2007-07-24 - 10:03 p.m.
How can I capture my feelings now. I... am so dejected, so disappointed... I am so exhausted and hurt. I am so scared, so paranoid, so helpless. I am dying... what can I do? Why can't things be simpler? Why can't things fall into place? I am afraid... afraid of losing... afraid that all things will fail eventually. I held on to dear life and gave my best, give my best and yet things don't work out. Why? It felt right... but why can't.... just....
I feel like dying. Feel like ending my puny life. I feel like I am already dead... so it doesn't matter even if I just let it happen. As I write, my heart aches like a million fish hooks tugging at it. Why can't the decision be made? Why does it need to even go through so much to make that decision? Perhaps it's already made... just problems that deflats our spirits. Still... I can't go on anymore... someone help me please... please.... anyone. Help... help me... I can't take it anymore.... I've tried my best. I am screwed up... but I did try my best even if my best weren't enough... someone.... anyone... please... help.......................
